


Dear Diary [Remix of More Then Friends]

by Butterynutjob



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) RPF
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M, Misunderstandings, POV James, Remix, diary entries, first person POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-17 00:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8123506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Butterynutjob/pseuds/Butterynutjob
Summary: James is having trouble coming to terms with his new roommate's sexual orientation. At least he thinks he is.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [newbie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/newbie/pseuds/newbie) in the [xmen_remix_madness2016](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/xmen_remix_madness2016) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
>  
> 
> Safe work, if any (no limit): all of my work is safe to remix  
> Previous remixes, if any: none  
> I am okay with my X-Men comics/original movie trilogy/cartoon works being remixed: yes  
> I am okay with my collaborations being remixed: n/a don't have any  
> I am okay with being remixed in a different medium (fic for art or art for fic): yes  
> I am okay with certain WIPs being remixed: yes http://archiveofourown.org/works/6184408/chapters/14168173 (A Series of Firsts)  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/7498911/chapters/17044773 (Timeless Love)

15 June, 2016

Dear Diary. This is fukcing stupid. I’m not  
Fuck

 

13 July, 2016

Okay, trying again. Maybe I won’t say dear diary. That makes me feel dumb. Dr. Carter told me to just whatever I was thinking, so…

this still feels dumb. Typing my feelings is not the same as actually talking to someone. But. Okay. Two months ago today was the worst day of my life and sometimes I don’t think it will get better. 

 

18 July, 2016

Mike and I talked today for a long time. It was good to see him--he was in Australia a long time. I missed the arsehole. And talking to someone is better than writing what i’m feeling, DR. CARTER. 

Ann-Marie and I--we’re getting along better now than when we were married. It’s weird. I mean it’s good, because I can’t imagine someone who has been such a huge part of my life, the mother of my son, disappearing out of my life forever. I thought that’s what would happen. But instead - I feel like she’s still family. I guess she is. She’s just not my partner. 

Maybe this writing thing isn’t such a bad idea. 

 

21 July, 2016

Mike is bloody brilliant. Well, actually he’s a bloody idiot, but he had a great idea: we’re going to move in together! We’ll have to keep mum about it because what would the fangirls say, haha. But he doesn’t want to kick out his tenants and I want to stay near my wee boy, so we’re getting a big flat in Crouch End. He said he’ll spread the rumor that he’s moving in with Alicia. His poor fans. I swear that man is a sadist. 

 

28 August, 2016

Haven’t written in a while. We got the move all done in one day, although it helped that a lot of the furniture is new and was delivered by people that weren’t me or Mike or Nick. Saved our muscles. Strangely it was the best day I’ve had in awhile. I’m a bit worried how our friendship will hold up, now that we’ll be living together, but you’ve got to trust a bond with a mate you’ve farted on, right?

 

24 September, 2016

I’m a little in shock, I think. 

I just walked in on my best mate - my new flatmate - snogging a man. 

I swear, I did not know he was into men. Now I feel strange. I don’t know what to think. He saw me, I know...he looked worried. Shit, I’m not ready to talk about this with him. 

I guess I’ll wait to make myself any dinner until after I hear his bedroom door close. 

 

25 September, 2016 

I can tell he wants to talk about it. He tried to talk to me in the shower this morning - I kept yelling, “what?” even though I could hear him fine. Finally he went away. That was good, because by then the water had gone cold. 

I’m just not ready to talk. I don’t know what to say. I don’t understand why I feel sick to my stomach whenever I think of him kissing that man. I’m not homophobic! I’ve got loads of gay friends. But who was that guy, anyway? I’ve met most of Mike’s friends. Is he a boyfriend? Or just a - one-time thing?

I’m gonnae have to talk to him about this. Bollocks. 

 

26 September, 2016

He caught me in the kitchen. I was making dinner, there was no way to avoid him...and I guess I knew it had to happen. 

It was just as awkward as you might think, him stammering about appearances and not wanting me to find out that way, blah blah blah. I learned that the guy was someone he had just met, and he didn’t expect to see him again and for some reason that made the sick feeling in my stomach a little better. He told me he wouldn’t bring guys into the house and I told him that was silly; it was his house too. Then the bastard did that grin thing and...I don’t care if he’s gay, he’s still a bloody good mate. I always know he’s got my back. 

We ate the spag bol I made while we watched Xmen Apocalypse--both of us together, for the first time. I laughed until I nearly peed, as we reminisced about the ridiculous things that went on during filming...well, mostly during the filming of the first two movies. At the time we filmed Apocalypse it had felt like my world was ending; Ann-Marie had just asked for a separation and I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing. Mike spent nearly every evening with me, letting me talk or get drunk or yell or just see a movie and he even kept me out of a fight once. 

Huh. Now I wonder what he would have been doing if I hadn’t needed a friend so much at that time. Would he have been out shagging guys?

There’s that sick feeling again. Maybe the meatballs were off. 

 

October 3, 2016

Fuck, fuck, FUCK. I am a shitty human being. I’m trying to hard to be open and accepting of Mike’s orientation, but I met one of his...boyfriends? (I can barely type that word without shuddering and that’s part of the problem.) I guess prejudices are buried deep. I didn’t think I was homophobic, but meeting Dave last night was...hard. He was a nice guy, don’t get me wrong, but when Mike put his arm around Dave’s shoulders, and talked to him in this...voice...I don’t know how to describe it. Anyway I started to feel ill. 

Shit, I don’t want to be this way. I wish I was still seeing Dr Carter. 

 

8 October, 2016

Mike’s going to be in Killarney all week, getting honored by the town, so I’ve had a lot of time to think. And I decided: if I am subconsciously homophobic it’s not right to keep living with Mike. I might be doing those microaggressions on him without even realizing it. That’s not fair to him. I mean I don’t want to move out; I genuinely like living with Mike, even more than I thought I would, but every time he has a man over I can feel myself...disapproving. Or something. It’s not a good feeling and it’s not fair to Mike. 

 

14 October, 2016. 

Well, shite. Now I’ve fucked everything up. 

I didn’t tell MIke what I decided, because I knew he wouldn’t like it and would try to talk me out of it, so I decided to look for a new place first. So yesterday I was out until late, and when I got back, Mike was lying on the couch with some bloke kissing him. And I lost my temper. I asked if he really needed to do that in the living room and they both looked so shocked. But I felt...I don’t know, angry. I really need to

 

14 October, 2016

I might have the date wrong. It’s very late and I should be sleeping. Just had a long talk with Mike. He kicked the guy out apparently and I can’t say I feel that bad about that. I told him everything; how I was secretly homophobic and I needed to move out so I didn’t unintentionally microaggression him. 

He was more confused than mad and reminded me of several gay couples we knew and he asked if they disgusted me, or made me feel sick. I said of course not. They don’t. It’s never bothered me before, except now with Mike. And it wasn’t even that he was gay, it was specifically whenever he was around other men. I told him all of that; I didn’t hold back. I figure I owe him honesty, at least. 

Then he asked me of something else could be causing my sick feeling. I said, no the meatballs were fine. And he laughed, and grinned that stupid, over-the-top grin, and...I shit you not, I had an epiphany. I… _wanted_ Mike. Not...I don’t know how to explain, because it’s not something…

I kissed him. I just leaned it and did it. 

And he was shocked. Really shocked. I could almost taste it. 

But then he started kissing me back, and it was good, really good. 

Just as I started to get interested in more than kissing, he leaned away from me, and he just looked at me for a moment. I felt - I knew him so well, my best friend. But I had never known this part of him, I never even thought about it. 

Then he asked me if that sick feeling I had might maybe sort of just possibly been jealousy?

And of course that’s what really made it click. Of course I’d been jealous. I wanted to be the man Mike was kissing. 

 

24 December, 2016

I haven’t written in a while. I guess I haven’t needed to. Things are going really, really great. Assassin’s Creed blew away expectations at the box office and it’s been getting great reviews, and it’s just fantastic to see Mike so happy. I can’t stop smiling as I’m typing this in fact. We’re opening Christmas presents tonight; Ann-Marie and my boy are coming over too. It’s weird that just a few months ago I never thought I would stop feeling miserable and right now I am happier than I can remember being in a long, long time. 

All I will say about the other stuff...the reviews are right. Michael Fassbender is bloody amazing in bed. :)


End file.
